A wannabe 'Aristo' sights a fine, young lady treading down

the street. Slowly, he rides alongside her, winds down a car window, and calls out to her...
Aristo: Bebb, wot up!?
Young Lady: I'm fine, Sir.
Aristo: Nne, idikwa sezy o.
Young Lady: Thank you. (Drily)
Aristo: So...you live arand di labourhood?
Young Lady: Sir, I really can't tell you that.
Aristo: Kimon! Drop this "Sir, Sir" that ya calling somebody. Afa m bu Justus! See, nwa, I can tek good caring of you.
Young Lady: Sir, I mean, Justus, I'm running behind time. I need to be in school before 10:00 AM.
Justus: (smiles) Let me drop you dia nau! Chai! Just look at how ya body is doing torim-torim like fresh fish own. Nne, bikonu, allow me to be ya sponsor. Eh, ákwá nwa?
Young Lady: Justus, I don't need your sponsorship. I have able parents. (Rolls eyes)
Justus: (laughs) Ebble Perrence that can only buy you jeans that haff wash color, and bend dan selett tops?
Young Lady: Don't you dare insult my parents or my dress sense!
Justus: (scoffs) Lee anya, nwa oma, I can mek ya life brown new. Gusshi, Fersashi, Pendi, Dolshi and Jabbana is what you will be wearing to that ya school. Not all this ya bend dan selett. Wit me, you will be di talk of di whole tann!
Young Lady: (laughs) Bye, Justus.
Justus: You tink I am playing, okwia? (Ransacks pockets) Oya, wet! Tek this Five Taazan, first. (Stretches hand through rolled down car window)
Young Lady: (shocked) Oh. Em. Gee!! Like seriously!? (Receives money with both hands)
Justus: You tink I coming hia to play? Enter motor, let me drop you off to ya school, biko. (Opens car door)
Young Lady: (hurriedly hops in and bangs door shut) Thank you so much, Sir, I mean, Justus.
Justus: (winds up and wheels ahead) You know you haff not even tell me ya nem o. Eh, bebby nayoka. (Smiles)
Young Lady: (blushing) I'm Cherish.
Justus: Ah! Such a nice nem! So, I can calling you "Cherry Koko?"
Cherish: (coyly) Y-yes, if you want to.
Justus: Nwa, ya just madding me! Ya just... (Car starts to slow down)
Cherish: (wears disturbed look) Is something wrong with the car?
Justus: (examines fuel indicator) Kai! Is like my fuel is finishing o. Let me just rush in hia and buy fuel. Thank God dia is filling station arand sef. (Drives into filling station and joins queue)
Cherish: I hope this won't delay me o.
Justus: Why? In few millites, fiam! we're out of hia. But, erm...bebb, I will be needing that erm...Five Taazan I gave you. Is like I didn't came out wit any more money o. (Scratches head)
Cherish: They have P.O.S machines, you can use your ATM card, then.
Justus: (keeps scratching head) Erm...Cherry Koko, I driver for Uber. And that money na my fuel money. (Low tone)
Cherish: Wait, what!? (Hisses and opens car door to leave)
Justus: Bebby, wet nau. Is not like that. Ejikwa m ego o. I will spoil you with money o.
Cherish: Ekwensu mikwaa gi onu ebe ahu! May the Devil French-kiss you there! (Bangs car door and scurries away)
Justus: Mbanu, Bebby, wet! Wet kwanu! Cherry Koko!! Cherry Koko!!! (Shouting)
Pump Attendant & Car Owner behind him: OGA, MOVE. YOUR. CAR!!

StarDaramedia2018lord oludamfaebook

story of Abel and Cain.....funny

In the course of time, two brothers born of Eve brought different offerings unto the Lord. And while they set up the wood for the burnt offering, Cain gets distracted.Cain: Wait, is that not Zillhar? (Drops log of wood and points)Abel: The same Zillhar you said you met at the tavern, West of Eden?Cain: The same one! The one with the big bum! (Dusts hands and makes to leave)Abel: Oh, c'mon! You seriously want to pursue after her right now!?Cain: (ignores and keeps walking)Abel: Cain, we are here for a sacrifice!!!Cain: (scoffs) Oh, please. (Mutters under breath, and steps up pace)(Cain walks a stone throw from the place of sacrifice, closing in on Zillhar.)Cain: H-hello, fair and lovely one!Zillhar: Hello, drinker from the tavern. Who told you my name?Cain: (scratches head) Erm...well, a pretty, little birdie; one as pretty as you look, whispered it into my ears.Zillhar: (smiles) Is that so? Did that pretty, little birdie also tell you that I don't mingle with poor men?Cain: (laughs) Lady, go ask about Cain. They'll tell you how successful and booming my farm business has been, in all the East of Eden! I'm surprised you haven't heard.Zillhar: Oh, you're "Cain?" Nice to meet you! But, erm...I look out for something special in any man.Cain: Really? What would that be?Zillhar: Do you offer sacrifice unto the Lord from time to time?Cain: (scoffs) My sacrifices stand out! I offer sacrifices like a pro! I make sacrificing look easy! I live to offer sacrifices. As a matter of fact, I was about to do so when I saw you. You can come see for yourself.Zillhar: Goodness gracious! I'd love to watch you.Cain: Come along then.(Cain and Zillhar amble down to the place of sacrifice.)Abel: (slaughters sheep and places it on wood) Cain, I don't have a single thing to say to you. (Turns to Zillhar) Hello!Zillhar: Hello! (Waves with a smile)Cain: Don't mind that little man. He knows nothing about offering sacrifices. Just watch me, Zill. (Hurriedly sets up wood and places farm produce on it)Abel: (shakes head and knocks two stones together to light sacrifice)Cain: (knocks two bigger stones together to light sacrifice) Abel, you gon learn today!(Their sacrifices catch fire and thick wisps of smoke start going up from Abel's.)Abel: (laughs and jumps up)Cain: (looks dejectedly at his sacrifice and throws a tantrum)Zillhar: (looks lustfully at Abel and moves closer to him) Hello, handsome. You never erm...told me your name. (Licks lips)Abel: (smiles blushingly) I'm A-Abel by name.Cain: No, no, no!! Zillhar, please! I'm still rich. That small boy has nothing but a dozen sheep. 12 sheep! Only 12!!Zillhar: Look, look, don't disturb me! Did the smoke from your sacrifice go up? Did it go up!? (Hisses and turns back to Abel). So, what would you be doing after now?Abel: (smiles) Uhm...I'll be heading straight home. Why?Zillhar: (fiddles with hair) Well, we could go to my place. I'll prepare some nice goat meat stew.Abel: Oh, sweet heavens! Are we leaving now or what?Cain: Abel, I swear to God, you will pay for this!Abel: (laughs) Cain, you sound like one of my sheep right now.(Abel and Zillhar laugh aloud as they leave)(Shortly afterwards, Cain sends word out to his notorious street gang, through a raven, telling them to ambush and kill Abel, but spare Zillhar's life.)(Minutes later, word from the street gang gets back to Cain as he seats sullen on a log of wood, at the place of sacrifice.)Cain: (laughs mischievously) Nobody crosses Cain, Nobody!!! (Stands and beats hands against chest)God: (thunders from above) Cain, Cain!!Cain: Oh, shit! (Mutters under breath) Y-yes, Lord?God: I heard that! Cain, where is your brother, Abel?Cain: (scoffs) Am I my brother's keeper!?God: (shakes head) As punishment for this singular act of manslaughter, I will cause your farm business to crumble.Cain: Pfft. I still got coins! Coins for days!!God: I will also be putting a mark on your forehead, so that any heartless Thunder that finds you shall strike you without mercy. I'd love to watch your coins save you from this one.(As the Lord was done speaking, dark, gloomy clouds began to form in the sky. Cain looks up, sights a heartless thunder charging toward him, and flees. But while he was still screaming in flight, the heartless thunder catches up with him from behind, tearing through his pants and blackening his ass.)StarDaraMedia2018