story of Abel and Cain.....funny

In the course of time, two brothers born of Eve brought different offerings unto the Lord. And while they set up the wood for the burnt offering, Cain gets distracted.Cain: Wait, is that not Zillhar? (Drops log of wood and points)Abel: The same Zillhar you said you met at the tavern, West of Eden?Cain: The same one! The one with the big bum! (Dusts hands and makes to leave)Abel: Oh, c'mon! You seriously want to pursue after her right now!?Cain: (ignores and keeps walking)Abel: Cain, we are here for a sacrifice!!!Cain: (scoffs) Oh, please. (Mutters under breath, and steps up pace)(Cain walks a stone throw from the place of sacrifice, closing in on Zillhar.)Cain: H-hello, fair and lovely one!Zillhar: Hello, drinker from the tavern. Who told you my name?Cain: (scratches head) Erm...well, a pretty, little birdie; one as pretty as you look, whispered it into my ears.Zillhar: (smiles) Is that so? Did that pretty, little birdie also tell you that I don't mingle with poor men?Cain: (laughs) Lady, go ask about Cain. They'll tell you how successful and booming my farm business has been, in all the East of Eden! I'm surprised you haven't heard.Zillhar: Oh, you're "Cain?" Nice to meet you! But, erm...I look out for something special in any man.Cain: Really? What would that be?Zillhar: Do you offer sacrifice unto the Lord from time to time?Cain: (scoffs) My sacrifices stand out! I offer sacrifices like a pro! I make sacrificing look easy! I live to offer sacrifices. As a matter of fact, I was about to do so when I saw you. You can come see for yourself.Zillhar: Goodness gracious! I'd love to watch you.Cain: Come along then.(Cain and Zillhar amble down to the place of sacrifice.)Abel: (slaughters sheep and places it on wood) Cain, I don't have a single thing to say to you. (Turns to Zillhar) Hello!Zillhar: Hello! (Waves with a smile)Cain: Don't mind that little man. He knows nothing about offering sacrifices. Just watch me, Zill. (Hurriedly sets up wood and places farm produce on it)Abel: (shakes head and knocks two stones together to light sacrifice)Cain: (knocks two bigger stones together to light sacrifice) Abel, you gon learn today!(Their sacrifices catch fire and thick wisps of smoke start going up from Abel's.)Abel: (laughs and jumps up)Cain: (looks dejectedly at his sacrifice and throws a tantrum)Zillhar: (looks lustfully at Abel and moves closer to him) Hello, handsome. You never erm...told me your name. (Licks lips)Abel: (smiles blushingly) I'm A-Abel by name.Cain: No, no, no!! Zillhar, please! I'm still rich. That small boy has nothing but a dozen sheep. 12 sheep! Only 12!!Zillhar: Look, look, don't disturb me! Did the smoke from your sacrifice go up? Did it go up!? (Hisses and turns back to Abel). So, what would you be doing after now?Abel: (smiles) Uhm...I'll be heading straight home. Why?Zillhar: (fiddles with hair) Well, we could go to my place. I'll prepare some nice goat meat stew.Abel: Oh, sweet heavens! Are we leaving now or what?Cain: Abel, I swear to God, you will pay for this!Abel: (laughs) Cain, you sound like one of my sheep right now.(Abel and Zillhar laugh aloud as they leave)(Shortly afterwards, Cain sends word out to his notorious street gang, through a raven, telling them to ambush and kill Abel, but spare Zillhar's life.)(Minutes later, word from the street gang gets back to Cain as he seats sullen on a log of wood, at the place of sacrifice.)Cain: (laughs mischievously) Nobody crosses Cain, Nobody!!! (Stands and beats hands against chest)God: (thunders from above) Cain, Cain!!Cain: Oh, shit! (Mutters under breath) Y-yes, Lord?God: I heard that! Cain, where is your brother, Abel?Cain: (scoffs) Am I my brother's keeper!?God: (shakes head) As punishment for this singular act of manslaughter, I will cause your farm business to crumble.Cain: Pfft. I still got coins! Coins for days!!God: I will also be putting a mark on your forehead, so that any heartless Thunder that finds you shall strike you without mercy. I'd love to watch your coins save you from this one.(As the Lord was done speaking, dark, gloomy clouds began to form in the sky. Cain looks up, sights a heartless thunder charging toward him, and flees. But while he was still screaming in flight, the heartless thunder catches up with him from behind, tearing through his pants and blackening his ass.)StarDaraMedia2018